There are 3 sides to every argument:
- Your side.
- Their side.
- The truth.
The #1 biggest cause of all upsets and arguments —– “the need to be right.” This is a killer. If we can get over that, if we can kick out that need —-our lives shift. That need to be right forces us to dig in our stance and make the other person defensive.
The #1 way of handling all arguments & upsets —– and the most difficult ——
“Training yourself to see other peoples’ points of view, in the midst of an upset.”
This is sooooooo difficult and is not the natural thing to do. It takes incredible
strength. And must be learned & practiced.
“So what you’re saying is…
“Your point of view is…
“This is how you feel…
“This is your truth…”
When you can do this, upsets and arguments diffuse and disappear, while solutions and healing kick in.
********* The Do’s of How to Argue **********
The real secret of how to argue is language. Especially the first word. This takes incredible strength, wisdom, and courage because it means eliminating the word, “you.”
1. “I experienced…..”
2. “I feel…..”
3. “I need…”
And remember that conflict is good. That is how we grow and learn about ourselves and the other person. Things become clearer.
Conflict precedes clarity.